I have not read the excerpt myself, but I can give you some tips on detecting the correct conflict. To detect whether conflict is internal or external, consider the way the story is told. If the conflict is interior, it will take place within the mind of a character. If the conflict is external, it will take place physically or verbally between two characters or between a character and some exterior force, such as nature. To figure out who the conflict is taking place between, consider whether the character in question is battling their own mind, feelings, or actions; this would indicate that they are in conflict with themselves. If the subject of their conflict is another character, that would indicate that they are not in conflict with themselves. Hope this helps.
